Spinning Still

I lay here choking on
What use to be the scent of you
A year has passed me by
And everything’s changed
But it’s all the same

I’m spinning still
Underneath these absent stars
An illusion never felt so right
Except those few nights
I woke up laying next to you
Woke up laying next to you

I lay here reminding
Myself to exhale
Every once in a while
After freezing on the thought of you
But there’s no “u” in “us” here any more

I’m spinning still
Underneath these absent stars
An illusion never felt so right
Except those few nights
I woke up laying next to you
Woke up laying next to you

I’m spinning still here
I’m spinning still here
I’m spinning still here

Your scent lingers
Underneath these absent stars
An illusion never felt so right

Burn

Blood saturated gasoline
I’m on fire when I breathe
Smoke-filled lungs inside my chest
Water is not enough for me

When wanting leads to hurting
And you try to fight the burn
The flame beneath your skin
Can’t reach enough oxygen

Upstairs and one way out
I’m walking through the heat
Inhaling words you can’t take back
These words may not release me

When wanting leads to hurting
And you try to fight the burn
The flame beneath your skin
Can’t reach enough oxygen

Burn to feel the way it was before
Burn the barriers down
Burn to feel what can’t be there
Burn the barriers down

When wanting leads to hurting
And you try to fight the burn
The flame beneath your skin
Can’t reach enough oxygen

No oxygen
No oxygen
No oxygen

Run Towards Nothing

Tragedy silences me

I am quiet,

Still

Until I find some words…

Never the right words –

To make sense

To “feel better”

To understand

Because none of that is happening here

The media widens the blast

So all can feel the blow

Fabricated stories,

Images,

Partial truths and revision

After revision

There’s nothing left to trust

I become sick

And stuck in my head

Avoidance is my armor -

Repelling misfired shots

Duck and cover to deflect

Shallow breath steals my cries

Shaky blurs all around

Collecting discarded intentions

Held to my chest to protect

And I run

Run from the digital blast radius -

Radio silence bubble

Never been so satisfied with silence

Before this week

So I run

Run towards nothing

Not So Lonely

It’s not so lonely
When I’m alone here
Surrounded by melodies
Calling out my name
These rhythms seduce me
And draw me closer to you

I float across the floor
Until these drum beats
Make me halt and catch my breath -
You had my attention
Before the lights dimmed

I wait patiently for your
Voice to overcome me
Fill me up with anticipation
With every word you whisper

These lights are so very bright -
There’s no hiding from your gaze
And the longing on my face
Cannot be contained…

I ask for one last song

Imperfect

Letting myself be imperfect
Is always half the fight
Cracked lullabies
And darkened skies
Won’t ever seem quite right

An inch off here
My mind’s not clear
I won’t be sleeping tonight

Come organize my memories
They never sit just right
Reassemble all of me
We’re better in the light

My tight grip on control -
Help to let it go
I haven’t lost myself
There’s more room to breathe
And all that I need
Was always here before

Reflective

Memories so flawed to perfection
Only positive to show
That’s not how I got here
That’s not what happened

Repeat this dirty cycle
Hoping for better results
Some evolution of insanity
That’s sure to work…
….this time

My scissors must be rusty
Because I thought I cut these ties
I missed a strand or ten
And I’m back at the beginning
Of this dirty cycle

Detach, relapse, re-break
Then reassemble
That’s the cycle
Some time travel bullshit
Just stuck reversing
Wondering if I can make it out
On my own
Alone

This isn’t a Love Story

I kiss you
And I’d like to pretend that I can’t taste the confusion on your lips
But they sting
Touched by empty caresses
I can feel the hesitation in your gaze
I’ll escape now…
Back to reality