Looking Up [Song]

I looked up and expected to see stars
Arranged in the shape of your face
an arrow pointing North telling me
Exactly which direction to go tonight

But these nights I lose my grasp
On our pretend happy ending
It’s darker than I wanted it to be
Much too dark to find my way

I pushed it down below, down below
These melodies pull thoughts top side
And I’m surrounded here, suffocated here
And I looked up and expected to see stars…

But these nights I lose my grasp
On our pretend happy ending
It’s darker than I wanted it to be
Much too dark to find my way

Looking for light at the wrong time tonight
It’s too dark to find my way (2x)

And these nights I lose my grasp
On everything we should have been
Everything we could have been
Everything we ARE

BLANK WALLS

Easier to forgive
But how do you forget yourself
Stationary styles allows too much
Time for re-evaluation

Keep moving
Don’t decorate into permanence
It’s too hard to tear it all down

//Blank walls all around me
The color sucked dry
Don’t get too comfortable, dear
We only have tonight//

Not so easy to forgive
When you can’t forget yourself
Don’t repeat the same mistakes
Lesson learned, I won’t forget if I…

Keep moving
Don’t nail anything down
It’s too hard to rip it all out

//Blank walls all around me
The color sucked dry
Don’t get too comfortable, dear
We only have tonight//

The color bleeds out of my skin
Need pressure
To hold myself together
You paint murals with what I leave behind
But I won’t be there to see it

*because I’m surrounded by*

//Blank walls all around me
The color sucked dry
Don’t get too comfortable, dear
We only have tonight//

…we never had tonight

[2.21.14 | Vegas]

Haley James

Dioxide

Consumed again
I almost welcome
this suffocating
embrace

We breathe better
When we share
The same oxygen
Tonight

The stars are bright
…again
But don’t they
Explode with light
Before they die?

Breathe Melodies

Just a few notes and I am gone
Gone to another space
So far from this place
I no longer breathe oxygen

I breathe melodies
So hauntingly sweet
That bring me to my knees
I am yours this time

Stuck in this trance
And my breath catches
On those guitar strums
My heart beats to the bass drum and…

I breathe melodies
So hauntingly sweet
That bring me to my knees
I am yours tonight

My blood races
Through my veins
The climax approaches
My skin tingles and…

I no longer breathe oxygen
Just sweet melodies
Down on my knees
Take me for the night

I no longer breathe oxygen
Just sweet melodies
Down on my knees
Take me for the night

Spinning Still

I lay here choking on
What use to be the scent of you
A year has passed me by
And everything’s changed
But it’s all the same

I’m spinning still
Underneath these absent stars
An illusion never felt so right
Except those few nights
I woke up lying next to you
Woke up lying next to you

I lay here reminding
Myself to exhale
Every once in a while
After freezing on the thought of you
But there’s no “u” in “us” here any more

I’m spinning still
Underneath these absent stars
An illusion never felt so right
Except those few nights
I woke up lying next to you
Woke up lying next to you

I’m spinning still here
I’m spinning still here
I’m spinning still here

Your scent lingers
Underneath these absent stars
An illusion never felt so right

Burn

Blood saturated gasoline
I’m on fire when I breathe
Smoke-filled lungs inside my chest
Water is not enough for me

When wanting leads to hurting
And you try to fight the burn
The flame beneath your skin
Can’t reach enough oxygen

Upstairs and one way out
I’m walking through the heat
Inhaling words you can’t take back
These words may not release me

When wanting leads to hurting
And you try to fight the burn
The flame beneath your skin
Can’t reach enough oxygen

Burn to feel the way it was before
Burn the barriers down
Burn to feel what can’t be there
Burn the barriers down

When wanting leads to hurting
And you try to fight the burn
The flame beneath your skin
Can’t reach enough oxygen

No oxygen
No oxygen
No oxygen

Run Towards Nothing

Tragedy silences me

I am quiet,

Still

Until I find some words…

Never the right words –

To make sense

To “feel better”

To understand

Because none of that is happening here

The media widens the blast

So all can feel the blow

Fabricated stories,

Images,

Partial truths and revision

After revision

There’s nothing left to trust

I become sick

And stuck in my head

Avoidance is my armor –

Repelling misfired shots

Duck and cover to deflect

Shallow breath steals my cries

Shaky blurs all around

Collecting discarded intentions

Held to my chest to protect

And I run

Run from the digital blast radius –

Radio silence bubble

Never been so satisfied with silence

Before this week

So I run

Run towards nothing

Not So Lonely

It’s not so lonely
When I’m alone here
Surrounded by melodies
Calling out my name
These rhythms seduce me
And draw me closer to you

I float across the floor
Until these drum beats
Make me halt and catch my breath –
You had my attention
Before the lights dimmed

I wait patiently for your
Voice to overcome me
Fill me up with anticipation
With every word you whisper

These lights are so very bright –
There’s no hiding from your gaze
And the longing on my face
Cannot be contained…

I ask for one last song

Imperfect

Letting myself be imperfect
Is always half the fight
Cracked lullabies
And darkened skies
Won’t ever seem quite right

An inch off here
My mind’s not clear
I won’t be sleeping tonight

Come organize my memories
They never sit just right
Reassemble all of me
We’re better in the light

My tight grip on control –
Help to let it go
I haven’t lost myself
There’s more room to breathe
And all that I need
Was always here before

Reflective

Memories so flawed to perfection
Only positive to show
That’s not how I got here
That’s not what happened

Repeat this dirty cycle
Hoping for better results
Some evolution of insanity
That’s sure to work…
….this time

My scissors must be rusty
Because I thought I cut these ties
I missed a strand or ten
And I’m back at the beginning
Of this dirty cycle

Detach, relapse, re-break
Then reassemble
That’s the cycle
Some time travel bullshit
Just stuck reversing
Wondering if I can make it out
On my own
Alone